I'm sorry
by PeculiarNerdfighter
Summary: A year ago Bella was raped. How is she dealing with the incident and how is her relationship with Edward?


**Hello! This is my first ever attempt to write a story. I am aware of the fact that it probably is not good, but I decided to give it a try. And I don't have a beta. So, sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes.**

**Anything publicly recognizable from The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Flashbacks are in Italics.**

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It's been a year.

A year since it happened.

Nothing has changed. At least nothing inside me. I still feel the same.

No one believes me. They think I'm seeking attention – something that is quite absurd, as I have never been the center of attention by choice. I'm the shy Chief of Police's daughter. The good, but weird in this case, girl. I never sought out attention. No one payed me any attention. That's how it went.

Until Edward.

And James…

The Cullens moved to Forks the summer before my junior year. Esme Cullen had wanted to live in some small town were the air would be fresher, there would be less people and, of course, much more gossiping. Her husband, Carlisle, had agreed with her and so they came to Forks with their adopted children – Edward, Alice, Emmett, and the twins, Jasper and Rosalie. But with them came James too. He was the son of Esme's brother who had died a few months before their move to Forks. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, as his closest relatives, took him under his wing.

Of course, I learned all this by Mrs. Newton. I swear, that woman has such a big mouth they should give her some kind of prize.

And as in so many cheesy films, I fell in love with Edward Cullen. The good girl falls for the bad boy. But he wasn't as bad as he looked and portrayed himself as. He turned out to be sweet and loving. And as all good things, he left. Well, he didn't actually leave. He still is here at Forks. We go to school together. I see him every single day. And it brakes my heart. But the truth is I broke his heart.

James told everyone I had sex with him. And why would they ever believe me over him. The outcast over the popular guy. Why would Edward ever believe me.

So this morning, as every other morning, I get ready for school. I get up, brush my teeth, have breakfast and put on some clothes. Jeans, a T-shirt and an oversized cardigan to cover the marks on my hand.

I sigh. This is not the first time I realize how much I have change since last year. Now I even alone, depressed and cut myself.

_I can't stand it! I think he is everywhere. Lurking in every corner. Ready to attack. And he is. He is everywhere in my mind. Always occupying my subconscious. Always in my thoughts. As I enter my house I run to the bathroom. It's my house, not home. Not anymore._

_In an instance I get the razor out of my small toiletries bag, take off my parka and push up the sleeve of the sweatshirt I am wearing underneath. My hand is covered in horizontal lines. Some white, others a light pink and the newest red – the red of dried blood._

_I bring the razor down and let it cut through my skin creating another horizontal line. Never vertical. I'm trying to commit suicide. Not yet._

I look at my hand. At the blood seeping slowly out of the wound. It is so relieving.

I quickly get out of the house and into my car. This has to stop happening. And the worst thing is this isn't even close to the worst. This compared to them is like a trip to some sort of fairyland with rainbows, unicorns and a colorful sky full of candy clouds of lullaby.

When I get to school I head to my spot. Where I met Edward nearly two years ago.

_Another year in high school starts todays and I am so not up to it. All the homework, the teachers…_

_As usually I'm sitting under my tree near the edge of the school. I like this spot. It's away from the popular kids and all the wannabe's. They are all pathetic. Spending all their time gossiping about others or talking about makeup some new family in town and, never forget, what they are going to wear to Homecoming – which I'm not attending._

_My train of thought is then stopped by a sudden shadow over my face. Startled, I look up and see an angel._

_I definitely don't believe in God, but that's the only explanation I had right now._

_Collar length hair in a weird bronze shade was framing the face of a boy – well, more like a man- whose characteristic I can't see clearly, but I know for sure is incredibly handsome._

_"May I join you?"_

_"What?"_

_Oh, shit! That is the most stupid thing you could say, Bella. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Now he will probably think you have some sort of mental problem or even worse leave ad go hang out with Jessica and Lauren._

_He laughed. Oh, shit. He just laughed. It's the most beautiful laugh I have ever heard._

_Great! Even my inner babbling sounds stupid._

_"I said, may I join you?" And he smiled. Oh… He smiled…_

_"Um, yes! Of course. I'm sorry. I just tend to get really nervous when people talk to me. And… I don't believe I said that out loud!"_

_Another laugh. He is trying to kill me._

_"No problem. I'm not much of a… talker, you could say, either. "_

_Then it was my turn to smile._

I will never forget the first time we met. Actually, I will never forget him nor any second of the time we spent together. He will, probably, be my first and only love. Because it wasn't just a crush that I will get over after a few months as my mum said. It's already been a year and I still think about him every second of the day that I'm not wasting on the incident.

The bell just rang and I get up and head to class. As I have for the last year, I walk fast and keep my head down trying to avoid Edward or him.

I have English first period. My favorite class. Mr. Mason is already there so I take my seat near the end of the classroom as fast as I can without tripping.

The lesson passes in a hurry and so does the rest of the day. Eventually the final bell rang signaling the end of this day.

I'm nearly home when I realize that I have forgotten some of my textbooks in which I've got homework for tomorrow in my locker so I go back to school.

As I was heading to the main building, where my locker is, I spot James leaning against the wall making out with some girl.

_"Stop! I beg you! Please, don't do this! Please!"_

No, no, no. I can't. I have to go. I have to go now. I turn around to run, but I stumble on some step I didn't realize was even there.

Edward looks up. I didn't even notice him there. And that attracts Jame's attention.

No…

_"It hurts! It hurts so much! I can't! Please! Stop, please!" My voice hoarse and barely a whisper by then._

Those eyes. They stare at me. No. Please, no.

_"Look into my eyes, bitch."_

_"No." I reply weakly._

_"What? Afraid you will not see your little love-boy?"_

He takes a step closer.

No. No. No.

Edward is right behind him, glaring at me.

"Hello, slut."

I want to tell him not to call me that. I can't stand hearing his voice, that had told my so many times how much he loved me, calling me that. Not him. It is like someone took the knife that was already in my heart and started stabbing me again and again.

So, I run.

But to my surprise my legs don't take me towards my car. They lead me to my locker for some reason.

I hear shouts behind me, but they get blurred in the haze that my mind is in now.

_"What will your sweet little Edward say now that you are ruined? What will the Chief say now that his daughter has become a slut?"_

_"I'm not..." I couldn't even bring myself to say it out loud._

_"Oh, Bella. Yes, you are. And you are my slut. Edward was a fool not to have sex with you. And now I'm the one to take your virginity. How nice."_

_"No, stop. Isn't it enough, what you are doing? Why do you even have to be so cruel? I never did anything to you."_

_"Well, slut. This way you will keep your mouth shut."_

_"Liar. You don't even care what other people say."_

_A small laugh escaped his mouth then. How could he laugh. How could he… That monster._

_"You are right, my slut. Tell everyone if you want. I'm sure no one will believe you."_

I stop running and lean back against the locker. Slowly I lean my head back and close my eyes. I can't stand this anymore.

As I open my eyes, I see the most beautiful eyes right in front of me. Green eyes. Edward's eyes.

"Edward…"

"Why did you run?"

"Why did you follow?"

He smiles.

That smile that had stolen my heart away in the beginning of our junior year. That day under the tree. My angel.

"Please, Bella. Answer my question."

How could I deny him after all the pain I caused him. It was my chance now. My chance to make him believe me. If not I won't be able to survive another blow to my heart. It would be the final confirmation of all James had said.

"I couldn't stay. James was there."

"Bella, this story with James again… I have known him for years. He might be quite a ladies man, but I'm certain he's not a rapist."

"Why don't believe me? I thought you loved me."

Silence.

"Edward, I never meant to hurt you"

"Then why did you have sex with him and then, six months later, try to cover it up with this story? If you wanted to do it so much you could have just told me. After all you have said I don't even know if I meant anything to you. Did you mean it when you told me so many times that you loved me? Were you even a virgin?"

"I have never lied to you. I love you and I was I virgin. And I wanted you to be my first even if you don't believe me. He forced himself upon me. I didn't want it. I fought him so much, but he wouldn't stop. I swear."

"Bella, I don't want to hear these lies from you. Goodbye, Bella."

No. He's leaving. I have to stop him.

But I can't move. I can't breathe. No.

"Edward." I say breathless. This is so much harder than I thought it would be.

"Edward, I can't breathe."

He turns around as I collapse. My vision blurs, my eyes close and I feel the darkness surrounding me.

"Bella, wake up. I beg you, please. I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm so stupid. Wake up. I love you, Bella. I never stoped. Oh, God! Bella, I love you. Don't leave me."

I love you too, Edward. Always and forever.

"I'm sorry."

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**So, that was it. I really hope you liked it. I'm thinking about adding another chapter, but I'm not sure yet. I quite like the mysterious ending.**

**Please review and write me your opinions.**

**P.S. At some point, I was thinking about the song "Imaginary" by Evanescence and I think I might have used some of their lyrics. Just for you to know and if you're the type to listen to music while reading that is the song that inspired me.**


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